Rantt

First off NOOOOOT looking for pitty or what have you. Just to rant. Second, I REALLLYY didn't know if this belonged in here or +18's. Please let me know. And I'll reiterate it here, message me if you're waiting for art from me!


 I am in the painful process of getting a new prosthetic leg. It's painful because our stupid insurance says my leg guy is out of network. we drive 2 hours each way to see him because He makes a leg for me that is actually comfortable and useable. I've gone to someone local but that leg was bad and we ended up going to see my leg guy anyways and replacing that leg the local guy made. So this new leg - we're going with a new system etc. this time around- is only being covered for 1K plus the change and we were quoted 9K is what it would/is going to cost us. So there's a lot of "Now what" because we have to pony up $8K some. But that's hard to discuss when my dad doesn't want to make time for us AT ALL, any of us -I have 3 sisters and my mom- so we can talk to him about it. He's recently lost HUGE sight of his priorities and I was recently informed by my 14 year old sister that he had/has a problem with me? I don't know what kind of problem -_- He's NEVER talked to me about it, and I've spent recently, some extensive time with him. I'm not a mind reader! THEN he gets angry at us because HE'S not a mind reader. It's all pretty messed up in our house right now. I know we probably need counseling/therapy but that means getting him on board with it. Then there's the information I was given by again, my 14 year old sister that a couple of people in the church they go to have expressed concerns that my 3 sisters seem to be suffering from emotional abuse? I don't see it honestly. My dad's trying to pin it on my mom and quite honestly, if there is any, I think it's him. We're always more relaxed when we know he's not coming home and when he is home, we walk on eggshells around him. I'm trying to also see it from both perspectives because I will admit it, i'm a little biased. I love my mom. I wouldn't be alive without my mom. And my mom's also been treated like crap her whole life by her mom dad and sisters She can get testy but who of us in the house doesnt? It's all girls except my dad so hellooo hormones out the wazoo! I'd leave if I weren't still in highschool ( I'm turning 20 on april 10th x.x) and if I could work. With my prosthetic, even with all the workplace laws, I can't do normal jobs like retail or fast food. I cannot stand on my feet that long and be able to do it for the same about of time or at all the next day. I am a photoshop tutor but no one's bitten on my ads on craigslist or the facebook market place. I don't really have anywhere else to advertise :P. And no one in my area will hire me for graphic design without a super bare minimum of 2 years of college or ALOT of experience in the field which hello, I can't get IF YOU WON'T HIRE ME! So not finding work and realizing that I need to pay for my legs myself for the rest of my life - with not having a job- has put me into a big bout of depression. It's not my fault I lost my leg!  Added on top of that, recently, I've been having a aches where roughly my kidneys are so I don't know if those are failing on me. I'm a liver transplant person and so the medication I take, my kidneys do not like. The doctor I see for follow ups is... well... I don't like him very much. The very recent visit we had, he was in the room one minute or so. probably 2, then started to try to leave and my mom and I had to reel him back twice in because I have a lot of legit questions and concerns. I understand fully that they are busy and it's not like pediatrics. But I wasn't asking for a chatting session. I wanted answers to my concerns. I think switching doctors is going to be soon in my future. I've also recently been having aches in my arms, mostly my right and shaking in my hand like when someone goes cold-turkey off of their meds. I haven't gone cold turkey off of my liver meds and instead, I've been taking them regularly like the liver docs want me to. I'm an active person so I tend to forget doses some times. But what you have to realize is that I got my liver when I was I think not even 6 months old. So this is life for me. I am not new to the dangers of not taking and I think my body has come to a point where it's like " Mmm.. yeah. we're cool with this foreign thing." Not enough to go off the meds completely, but enough I think to take a lower dose. But the docs will not listen to me. They treat me like I am a brand new liver transplant patient. I am not. I fully understand that I am new to them. But it's ridiculous still. We now have to track down the coordinator to get labs set up so I can see if my kidneys ARE failing me which I don't think they are but what do I know? The worst part is, none of the shaking, or the aches, and normal people dizzy that I forgot to mention are being fixed by chiropractic so something is legit wrong with me. I'm just sitting here right now praying it's not the thing that took my leg from me. thank you for letting me rant

I'm so sorry to hear that's happening to you. Life sucks. But just know that we're all on your side. And if you ever need to rant again, my mailbox is always open. Xoxoxo -jellie

sorry your goin through all that. I'm always open to listening if you just need to blow off some steam or anything.

Oh honey. Life can be so rough. I'm nowhere near in your situation BUT I know somewhat the feelings you are going through and some bad experiences in my childhood. Medical bills are a b!tch. trust me. I get it. As for a job, think you could do something administrative wise? Sell your art? Do commissions? There might be a few more places you can try to get your art out. I might be able to help! If you need anything, i've got open ears. Some decent wisdom, and I know when to keep my mouth shut lol. I promise you though everything eventually gets better.

Me and my family will be praying for you ♥ If you ever need to rant, you know where my DMs are :)

If you can do graphic design, are you good at freehand drawing?  You could always try commissions on art site?  I know that can be slow to get started, but at least it's something you can work on while waiting for new customers/students?