I REALLY need someone to talk to

As the title says, i need someone to talk to desperately! My parents are just, well, if you read the stuff below you will understand. So, i really need some emotional support right now :(

So, when i was five my biological dad went out to fish one night. I was only five, if i knew the way it had turned out, i would have told him not to go. 

So, he goes out fishing. He was driving his boat, and hit something. He was thrown off the boat, and,.............. he drowned. It has been almost 7 years on December 5th. 

Everything would be so different if he hadn't gone fishing. I should have stopped him!!!!! I can´t  help but feel like it´s my fault. 

I had a blow out in orchestra class, i was playing. I drooped my bow, and started to cry. My teacher it was okay, it happens. But then i told her what happened and i just fell apart. 

If i had stopped him, so many things would be different! I would still have the horses, and, well, my dad. 

I really could use someone to talk to. I am trying not fall apart. I just need someone to help me get threw this. 

When i was younger, it was so easy to tell people, but over the summer, it all hit me really hard. 


YEAH, thats most of it, i guess :(   It is so hard right now X(  DX

I have seen you post multiple times about your dad's death, which it sounds like, was a while ago. Years? Not saying "get over it" here but nothing anyone says online is going to do anything except feed your crutch. Best advice, please get some ACTUAL help if you are having such a difficult time coping. Seek a professional.

Last edited on 2019-10-04 at 07:31:45 by ᏋᏉᏋᏒᎷᎧᏒᏋ

Are there counselors at your school you can talk to? Or maybe a teacher that you really like? Your orchestra teacher sounds like they were concerned about you, and even if you break down and cry it is still important to talk to someone. friends on the internet can only offer a sympathetic ear; it sounds like you need someone in real life to talk to. 

@Evermore, i know i have posted it multiple times, but i just haven't had anyone to talk to yet. 

@Kahzie, there are counselors. But, when i was at my cousins house, i had another break down. They called my mo, and it made her cry. I don't want to make her feel bad, i don't want her to cry anymore. They spent days searching for him, and my mom, she cried like crazy. I know i was 5, but i do remember that. I don't want to do that to her again. I will try talking to my orchestra teacher, but there is one little problem with that. She also teaches my older brother and sister. I know she would ask them if i was okay. 

    I understand what you're going through Avery. I lost my mother at the age of 12 about the same time in December. We were both in a terrible car accident where the car went into a very deep pond. I wouldn't be here if a young man hadn't saved my life. Now just a year ago, my father died only two months after I had my first child. There was so much that I regretted that I hadn't done, and wished I would have understood about both of them.
    My dear Aunt gave me comforting words, not even knowing I was feeling guilty. She basically said, that you're always going to have something you wish you would have done or done differently, but as we are sinners we can't expect perfection. Don't hold yourself responsible, what could a child have done? I understand you believe in God, well He is certainly the best one you can go to for comfort. Talk to close family members as they will know better what you're going through, and will be able to tell you what you may really need to hear. Ask them to share memories about your dad.
   When something traumatic happens at such a young age, you don't comprehend what you've lost perhaps for many years or a few. I certainly did not understand even at 12 what I had lost. I remember how incredibly hard it was when I did understand, but I will tell you that over the years it is much easier. The grief you feel now is hard to bear, just remember that over time you will learn how to cope.

@Jar of Clay, thank you so much! I am so sorry, i am praying to God to give me comfort. I have thought about talking to my pastor or small group leader at church, so, i think i will do that next wednesday. 

Hey dear, I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I lost my dad at age 32 so I can't imagine having lost him at such a young age. It changes your entire life. Do not hold back on talking to someone for the sake of your mother. Trust me, as a mother, I would rather have my kids be well than worry about my own sorrows. 

My suggestion is to definitely reach out to your pastor or youth group leader if you have one. They can help by reminding you with God's word, pray with you and for you for comfort, and just be someone to really talk to and get it all out there. Holding this in will only damage you emotionally. 

I'm praying for the Lord to bring you peace and comfort as you struggle with the loss of your dad. 

Thank you so much Olympea! I am going to talk to them wednesday. I am kinda worried about talking to my mom, but i will give it a try. :)

Please feel free to DM if you ever need to talk/vent. I do not know what you are going through, but am always happy to listen!