moving to live alone

I've been in a long distance relationship for over 3 years now with a girl whom I still love. We have known each other for a long time, we used to go in the same school and live in the same city. Then I had to move away and now we are 300km apart. I visited her recently (we see 2-3 times a year) and meanwhile I was there, my brain just kept telling me that I should move here, and I kind of agree. Me and my girl are a lot happier when we're together (obviously?), I already know the city and some of the people I would be in the same class with, with Finland's social insurance I could manage the money part... 

The thing is, at the same time it scares me. I love and hate changes, and this would definitely be a big change in my life. I would be 17 when I'd move there, and it just feels so weird to grow up and even be able to seriously consider this kinda stuff. Do you have some tips or wise words for someone who might be living in his own apartment soon?

All I can say is make sure this is something you really want to do. Moving out on your own is tough starting out. 

This is probably going to sound kind of negative, but its based on all my experiences, and the advice I had/wish I had when making choices like this.

First things first, and this is going to sound awful, make sure this is something you'll still want if you and her don't end up together. Is the school there somewhere you're passionate about going (I'm assuming this would be university/college yes?)? I knew several people who went to a college they weren't really considering just because of a significant other, and they are no longer with that person and have so many regrets. They didn't love where they were, had to either put up with it or deal with transferring, and it was all just a mess. Now I'm not saying you're relationship is going to end up the same way, but don't go somewhere where resentment for where you are might change how you feel about the person you're with. I highly suggest, at this age, you're making this decision because its whats best for you, your future, your happiness, and your goals. Don't do it if the only positive is the relationship.

Second, know that living so close to someone, when your relationship has been so far away for so long, is going to be a huge change as well. I myself have done long distance before. I got lucky in that we had been close for a while before it happened, but right after that we moved in together. It was a bit of a shock and definitely rocked the boat for a bit. She may or may not be living with you, but that ability of being so close all the time may cause tensions later on. Not that this should be a reason not to go, just something to be aware of and make sure you're ready for if it happens.

Living alone is awesome and awful. Adulting is hard. I have always had roommates or family or my boyfriend. So I have never been 100% alone, but I am away from family, in a different state, with just my boyfriend and my dog. Its a lot of responsibility, lots of bills you may or may have never had before, and a lot of work. Just be prepared to have a whole place worth of responsibility thrust upon you. I find that work 100% worth it, but it is work. I do suggest, if you think its going to be a big, empty, lonely place, looking into roommates. Usually I recommend not a friend, because many friendships are ruined by living together, but sometimes it works. If you build a friendship by living with someone, its way easier (in my opinion). Living with someone is hard too, but at least for me, it was a built in friend, a friendly face to see around, and it made me feel way less alone, even when I was alone in my room or whatever. Its also someone to help with bills and chores, and that part is awesome. If you don't want a roommate, make that place as homey as you can, and take care of it well. I find taking care of my home, makes it feel like mine and makes it something I can be proud of. Or get a fish. Or plants. Or a cat/dog (if you're up to all that extra responsibility). Anything to make you feel not so lonely.

At the end of the day, if this is what you want, make the most of it. You're young, I assume you have no kids, and this is totally the time to do this sort of thing. One day you'll be tied down to a house and a family and you can't just get up and move and change everything quite so easily. So if you're going to do it, do it now. Relationships are fun, new places are fun, and living alone can be so fun. Explore the city, make new friends, and if you end up hating it, move again. Just make sure you can balance everything you'll have going on, as well as making enough money to pay everything off and still have fun :)

Oh dear, let me get in 32-year-old-auntie mode.

I did long distance for five years before moving in together. We weren't all that long distance since we got to see eachother every other weekend or so.

After 5 years we moved in together and it was HARD. Every time we saw eachother when we lived apart it was great because all you do is go out, do citytrips, hang out at bars and restaurants and basically have a good time together without having much responsibilities. And then all of a sudden you need to start adulting and get serious about life. 
It is hard enough when there's two people to manage a household, do the finances, keep the place clean... I was 23 and he was 31 at the time. 
I can't imagine having to do it by myself, living off social services and only being 17.

I really don't want to sound patronizing, but you're very young. You should be enjoying life and concentrating on your education instead of taking on all the responsabilities and hardships that come with being and adult AND trying to fit another person into your life. 

Living off social services will also be hard and I can imagine you won't really have to financial freedom to do all the fun stuff that comes with being a teenager and a young adult.

I was 18 when I met my bf and we're still together (did have a big break up a couple of years ago) so it can be done but it has not been easy. We both had a steady income and I had my friends and family around to help me out and support me. 

Please think about it long and hard before you decide about what to do. Wish you the best of luck.

Last edited on 2018-08-03 at 01:10:22 by Féline

First if all, I'm very thankful for your answers! You made some points that I hadn't even thought of yet. 

About our relationship, last time we met we actually started talking about the fact how the distance is taking so much from us. We are not able to do all that romantic shiz so many other couples can. She also brought up the fact that even though if we did live more close to each other, she still wouldn't want to move in together, and I definitely agreed with her on that. I'm very careful when it comes to taking big steps forward, and moving to live together isn't something I would want to do for a long time yet.

The secondary high school I'd be going to has people that I am still friends with there, so my girlfriend wouldn't be my only friend. And since I am from a very small village with a reaaaally small secondary high, compared to that the secondary high school where I would be moving to is big and has so many opportunities I couldn't even dream of here.

And I think I would manage my own housechores well, because I'm from a big family (currently 10 people altogether living under the same roof) and the third oldest sibling, so you know, I've been given responsibilities thorough my life. I've had to look after and take care of my younger siblings, I've had to do laundry, wash dishes before I knew how to write. 

Luckily I have a total of 6 months to think about this before doing anything, and my current school is ready to help me with the school changing stuff.