I feel...frozen?

It is a hard feeling to describe. I feel empty, blank, frozen...

My dad has been ill since summer. He is in the end stage of liver disease. In October we were told without a transplant he has less than 12 months to live. He did 2 of the necessary tests to find out if he will be eligible. A few weeks ago he was admitted to UW Madison for the 6th time since August. The skilled nursing facility he was in had him transported via ambulance. The following wednesday(before Christmas) the committee met to hear his story and make a decision on whether or not they would allow for a transplant(his cirrhosis comes from long time alcohol abuse). My mom had a meeting this morning with all of his doctors. I asked if she was told what the committee had decided. I guess they told her Christmas Eve that they had declined a transplant as an option. She didn't want to tell us then because she didn't want to ruin Christmas. I understand why she didn't tell everyone but wish I had known when the decision was made. 

Anyway, sometime between now and..who knows when...October at the latest my dad will die. 

They are going to continue everything they are doing now but once it becomes too much for my dad or he just gets so sick he can't be helped he will be put on hospice and be made comfortable. 

When you are younger...you never imagine that at 32 you will have to say goodbye to your dad. That he will never get to take your boys fishing (they JUST moved back to wi a year and month ago after having lived out of state since I was 18) or do any of the other things that Grandpas do with Grandsons. 

Every single day is a gift. Never take your loved ones for granted or put off spending time with them because before you know it that time will be gone. Spending time with them won't always be an option. 

i'm so sorry you have to go through this painful process. i've had my own share of heartbreak, starting with my aunt's cancer when i was eight. i lost my father when i was 13 and i'm not going to lie and say it will get easier as time goes on. i'm 18 now and approaching many of the moments in my life i hate that he'll miss. my father was sick with severe COPD for the entire time i knew him, but somehow it never occurred to me that losing him before he'd see me graduate from high school, get married, or have kids would happen. 

i know a bit about how badly having a loved one in hospice can affect you. my aunt went into one late in her cancer and my grandfather (who passed 5 weeks before my father) was also in one. if you ever need anyone to talk to, i'm here for you. i mean it. 

-hugs- 

Oh man I'm so so so so so sorry!

I'll be praying for your family. *hug* I'm so sorry you have to go through this, I can't imagine. 

I feel for you 100%.

The only people left in my family, aside from myself, are my mother and my younger brother (he's 23); and it will be nothing short of a miracle if he lives another five years. It's a hard thing to try to steel yourself for the inevitable, but knowing that it's going to hit and hit HARD when the time does come...

I'm so sorry *hugs* its hard to watch a parent get sick.

My mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer when I was 16 (Stage 3) and I know how all these thoughts can run through your head. I had a friend whose mom was just getting done with treatments for the same thing (I think hers was Stage 2) right after we moved up to Northern Maine so she was about 12 when her mom was going through the same thing and it is so tough thinking about a future without your parents possibly being in it. We were both lucky both are moms have been cancer free since then, but don't give up hope on your dad!

My mom was diagnosed with Kidney disease in her teens. She wasn't supposed to live to be 30, she wasn't supposed to have kids, etc. She not only had me but my bro as well, she is 47 years old now (don't tell her I told yah XD) has survived not only that but cancer as well, just plain keeps proving the doctors wrong. I know that isn't always the case and I can't make promises that your dad will be joining her in rubbing it in the doctors' faces, but never lose hope!

So sorry to hear that ... I have a similar situation but my dad took his own life when I was 5 years old ... if you need someone to talk to please feel free to message me ... sorry to hear your going through this

I'm so sorry to hear this.

We are the same age and my mom just finished her radiation treatment for breast cancer. We were in absolute shock to hear that she was in the very early stages of breast cancer, so I can't even imagine what it you are feeling right now.
The added stress of my mom's illness drove my dad to substance abuse... now my mom is healthy but my dad is going through a rough time.

Alcohol abuse is a horrible, horrible thing. When I was 22 my bf got addicted and I know what a struggle it is and how much their addiction affects everyone and everything around them. 
Luckily he went into rehab and has been sober and thriving ever since.
This might be a stupid question, but is there any chance your dad can beat the addiction and reapply for a transplant? 

I hope that whatever happens you will be able to enjoy the time you have left with your dad. 
Know that you are not alone and there will always be people willing to talk and comfort you.
*Big hug*

Last edited on 2017-12-29 at 02:40:22 by Féline

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. I appreciate it. I have a hard time talking to anyone in my life too much about this. I don't like to show too much emotion. I will hardly even talk about it with my husband. 

Feline - Unfortunately no. He stopped drinking over summer when he started getting sick. He had such a long history of alcoholism (30 years or so). This is the final decision. 

Honestly, I'm not sure it was the wrong one. I am not even 100% confident he won't just start right back up if he were to get a transplant. I know his soul is saved and he will spend his eternity in paradise with our Lord. Still difficult to say goodbye.