Feeling Meh

So I've been on this site for alittle while now.. (har har does 7-ish yrs count?) so I thought I'd leave an update as to where I've been, if anyone has noticed...lol

My father told us last Thanksgiving that he was no longer going to try and 'treat' the cancer that he had been diagnosed since 2011. So we've been on a family cruise, trips, and been trying to do things as a family. Well, things started winding down and we all just went on with our lives again...until the cancer reared its ugly head to remind us again. My father had an episode about three weeks ago which included him being hospitalized overnight due to running a fever and having uncontrollable shakes. His cancer started out as Colon cancer, then later went to his lymph nodes, then to his lungs, and after this episode we learned that all of the recent back pain he was having was because cancer was literally eating his bones from the inside out, and creating fractures in his back bones...We thankfully had Easter, and then things started to turn for the worse.

The last time I saw him coherent was Thursday, March 31, when he was slipping in and out of conversation. Saturday when we were told he was no longer eating, or drinking, and no longer wanted to get out of bed, he was 'comfortable' laying in the hospital bed, in their master bedroom. Monday I went to see him after I got off from work and it was literally the worst I had seen him. He was no longer able to speak, but the hospice nurse whom had been with him for the last month told us that he would still be able to hear what we said to him. I told him at his bedside that "Ferril, RP, and Rusty love you so much, and we will see you in heaven some day." Not knowing those were to be the last words I said to my father. I went home at around 7:00 pm that night, got a call from my sister to come back over, and by 10:30 pm he was gone.

He is in a better place. It would be so selfish for me to want to keep him on this earth when I know he's better off, no longer hurting in his earthly body. I did however have a strong urge to strangle someone in the Dollar Store complaining about irrelevant stuff while my family was dealing with this sad situation...lol

I guess I just never thought I'd be losing my father at 29 and he was only 54. That all being said, I hope you can put whatever differences aside with your family and go hug on your loved ones.

Last edited on 2016-04-09 at 18:09:36 by Notori

Oh Notori i am so sorry... :'( -hugs-- He is in a better place now for sure.

I'm sorry for your loss... At least he has found peace and is watching over you more than ever now. - hugs-

I'm sorry your dad passed. It's a double edged sword - it's so hard to see a loved one suffer & it's so hard to accept when they pass. We went through something similar with my father-in-law. It started in one lung, spread to the other, and finally went into his brain. He & my mother-in-law went on a train trip to Chicago to see relatives of his & he took a turn for the worst. We only had enough for my husband to fly out to be with him. My son & I said our goodbyes over the phone. My MIL had him cremated and shipped home so we didn't see him again.

That was many years ago & I still miss him, but now I can deal better with his passing. I hope things get better for you soon. If you ever want to talk just let me know.

-gives even more hugs- I really sorry for you and your family.